She is Courageous: Welcome Back!

Friends,

It's so hard to find a way to write all of the thoughts and feelings I have returning to this platform after a year of silence. I didn't just forget to post, or even run out of things to say, but felt like it was important for me to write with purpose and make sure that to the best of my ability, everything I put my name on is done out of a desire to bring honor to Jesus and who he is, not try to achieve anything or feel successful, or any other prideful motive.

So I sat on a lot of things.

I continued to write, but kept documents piled up on my computer.

I continued to ask God, "what's my purpose?"

I spent a lot of time last year wrestling with this question. In motherhood, it's easy to lose yourself in the never-ending task list of day-to-day life. I felt like I was fighting between loving my kids selflessly and losing myself completely. After many conversations with the Lord, I felt like he taught me a simple truth that I just couldn’t have grasped if it wasn’t for life’s circumstances. Becoming a stay-at-home mom, being trapped in my home for months on end, pregnancy, and newborn life; all of it had led to this one thought:

Transformation takes place in the mundane.

Toward the end of 2020, I was just frustrated. I felt like I was staring at this dusty shelf where I had set my passions down. Sometimes it feels like life gets you so weary that even if you had the time to do what you love, your brain comes up empty. I was putting pressure on myself that not writing, not blogging, was "wasting" precious time. But, I also was unwilling to put out a post that was just created out of a "desire" to post, instead of something I felt like God was teaching me.

My Silence Wasn't Time Wasted

This last year was so full of growth. The Lord taught me so much just through everyday life. I spent a lot of time asking the Lord to help me be a godly mom. To stay patient. To stay joyful. To be humble and quick to apologize when I do mess up. It's always a work in progress, right? None of us have achieved perfection, and sometimes it feels like the progress is so slow that you hardly notice a difference. But it's there.

My greatest achievement this year

When I shifted to a work-from-home / stay-at-home mom, I'll be transparent with you. It was hard. Avery was a constant tantrum-thrower when it came to naps, and I had a hard time with it. She was also a screamer, and I could not handle her screams. They were over the top, blood-curdling shrieks. (I can say that confidently since Elliot is nothing like this and I can handle him crying it out for short periods of time).

My poor husband bore the brunt of my frustration. He would get home from work and I would wrongfully direct my anger at him. Or, I would send texts dumping my frustration at him when she wouldn't nap. He never knew what to expect when he walked through the door after work. If you know Rudy, you know he's thoughtful, kind, and always willing to help. It was unfair for me to allow my bad day to ruin his.

I started praying about this because of course, I didn't want to be purposefully mean to my husband. Day by day, God helped me grow in this area. Now, as a mama of 2, I can say that there are far more good days than bad. There have been days that Rudy gets out of the car, and he can hear both kids crying from the street. They may be losing it, but I still greet him with a smile and make dinner with a good attitude.

I may not have done anything outside of my home that is worth mentioning, but this growth has impacted my own heart, my marriage, and my family for the better. That's worth everything.

A small takeaway from this story

Never underestimate the power of God's work in your life. He can use anything to transform you. Weary mama, let God shape you through your selfless service to your kids. Working woman, let God transform you in your relationships with others. Wife, let God use your marriage to teach you to love more like him. It starts with something as simple as a prayer. Ask him to show you how to be a godly mom, wife, woman.... and then step back and look for opportunities to grow. Find verses to encourage you in growth. One that I love and works for so many situations is Philippians 4:8:

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable -- if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy--- dwell on these things."

We don't strive for perfection, but for progress.

That's a small snapshot into the last year of my life! I look forward to sharing more in the weeks to come. If you haven't already, sign up to get new posts directly to your email so you don't miss them.

Much love,

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